On Second Thought

A long time ago … in a galaxy not-so-far away, actually … I met the most wonderful guy. I met him in SL™, and truth be told if I hadn’t met him there, I might not have ever met him, because he lives about half a world away from me.

His name was (and is) Vortex Saito. Although he himself hadn’t been in world that much longer than me, he took time to help me learn quite a few things - and he’s still teaching me new stuff to this day, if I’m honest! Taught me how to deal with being griefed (put in cages), taught me the basics of building and texturing. And perhaps most importantly, taught me how a person should really be treated by their significant other.

I was in a relationship with someone before I joined SL™. It was rapidly sliding downhill, and I really didn’t know how to change that, or even if it was possible to. I barely had any time with him, and when we were together he was tired and cranky. We fought a lot, and neither of us were very happy. Still, I never joined SL™ with the intention of meeting someone else and falling in love. I joined because I wanted to make clothes, build, meet new people and just have fun. I had always enjoyed making clothing for There, and for the Sims (both 1 and 2), so I thought it would be fun to give something else a try.

However, it wasn’t long after meeting Vortex that we began spending significant amounts of time together. I’d find myself waiting for him to sign on, and that time where we were on together became the highlight of my SL™ day. When I finally bought land for the first time, he helped me set up: he built me my first house. We had a lot of fun together - and I realized that I was having some pretty intense feelings for him. I told him as much… and much to my surprise at the time, it was mutual.

In retrospect, I went about everything all wrong. I cared very much about my boyfriend, but we were growing apart. I should have been honest with him about how I felt, but I didn’t want to hurt him, and I was concerned about how he’d take it. He began to suspect on his own, and he took to signing on to SL™ to find me. To catch me? When it all came out and he & I broke up … well, it wasn’t pretty. And I found myself being constantly tailed. When the point came where I banned him from my property, he’d just hover at the edge of the ban lines!

My relationship with Vortex was progressing, but it was still very new. I found myself fighting all the time with my ex, being reduced to tears over and over - and poor Vortex was the one who had to put up with me being an emotional wreck. This just made me feel worse. There came a point where I was asking him daily if he was really absolutely sure he wanted me around, since none of that mess could have been much fun for him. He always assured me that yes, he wanted me around. Always. Still, the guilt just kept increasing.

I called him up one day, on the telephone, and told him that was it. It was over… we were over. I bawled the entire time. I gave excuses, and refused to listen to anything he had to say. I hung up, and thought my heart was going to break. That was the last time I saw or heard from him for a very, very long time. I closed up my little shop, and left SL™.

Eventually though, I returned, under a different avatar name. I knew there was a chance that I’d run into him somewhere down the line, but I didn’t want to cause him any trouble or pain. So I kept to myself, for the most part, and a small circle of friends and acquaintances. I started making clothes again, opened up a little store again, and made myself a little comfortable routine. That is until one day, I noticed him hovering in the air near where I was.

I worked up the nerve to IM him, and told him that I didn’t mean to cause him any problems whatsoever, and that if it was a problem at all, that I would leave again. He said no. He said that it would be nice if we could talk now and then, at least. I agreed. I didn’t realize, though, that it would be so damn hard to just “talk now and then.”

See, the problem was that I was still very much in love with him. I had never stopped loving him. And really, it’s very hard, at least for me, to feel so much for someone and not tell them so. It’s practically impossible. I tried very hard. I just didn’t succeed. Eventually, I found that I didn’t have much choice but to just tell him the truth, and lay it all out there. Amazingly… he still felt the same. On November 28, 2006 we partnered - for the second time. We’ve been together in SL™ ever since.

And we’re working on that RL thing. ;)

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